Thinking About Legacy
Chatting About What Really Matters In Life Over Coffee
Am I really getting that old?! Well, I do turn 48 next month and after 32 years with a spinal cord injury, you might say it is quite an accomplishment living this long. When I first injured my C4/5 & T4 vertebrae in 1994, I remember the doctors then saying, “20 years would be a great accomplishment.” Seriously!
Anyways, my wife and I had a few friends over for coffee last Friday and after about an hour or more, we ended up on the topic of legacy and what we will be remembered for. Or more pointedly, what we accomplish for the glory of God.
Why does it seem like no matter how hard we try, we never seem to do the miraculous—part the Red Sea, bring freedom to an entire nation, or if you are like me in a wheelchair… get up and walk?!
Come to think of it, we hear so many stories in the Bible of named people who bring glory to God. But do you ever wonder how many people there are during those same time periods that do so many incredible things to reveal God’s work… but never get mentioned? I mean, why not?! Don’t they count?!
As we all shared with one another and I listened to our “Why can’t I …” wishes for accomplishment, I started reflecting on some of the thoughts I had been having around Miroslav Volf’s first chapter of ‘The Cost of Ambition’ where he breaks down the ambitions of seeking excellence or seeking superiority.1
Let’s try to reflect on each briefly while trying to understand them.
Volf first puts down a baseline for seeking excellence:
“My comparisons and my striving can have two distinct goals (though often the two merge). My primary goal may be to play well, in which case I will compare my playing to theirs so as to learn and improve. My comparisons are in service of excellence…
In striving for excellence, my goal is to achieve some good, regardless of how I compare with others.”2
While Volf describes it in the sense of playing, the same desire for excellence can be sought after in other parts of our lives. This is important when you consider those with dis/abilities.
While I have recognized limitations in my daily life, I can learn to navigate those limits with particular life habits that can both challenge them and move around them for other ways of finding fulfillment or a sense of accomplishment and worth.
I am unable to walk. But I have learned how to move my body well. And, over time, I have become quite proficient in the use of my manual wheelchair. What was once perhaps perceived as a limitation to my abilities has become, in many ways, an instrument of my freedom. I use my wheelchair to carry me into my community, along its pathways, through its spaces, and into the lives of my family & friends who make room for me to belong. I learned these abilities and freedoms when I was willing to compare my capabilities with those in my life and daily activities who were both considered dis/abled and abled.3
In this way, excellence was achieved not just personally, but with my shared society. We each grew in both personal and mutual realized ambitions.
Moving towards understanding an ambition for superiority, Volf goes on to say:
“Alternatively, my primary goal may be playing better than they play, in which case I will compare my playing to theirs so as to learn and, if I succeed, show that I am better than they are… My comparisons are now in service of striving for superiority…
In striving for superiority, my goal is to stand above another person by a certain distance.”4
Ok. So is competition a disservice to human character? Particularly, for disabled persons?
I don’t think competition is necessarily a bad or negative essence of human nature. Strife, divergence, even elements of grief are needed in life to mature, grow, and foster our human character.5 Having both an ambition for excellence & superiority properly balanced can be healthy in personal development. The danger is when either of those ambitions becomes more polarized then the other.
As I learned about my new life in a wheelchair as a incomplete quadriplegic, I experienced the grief of loss to certain abilities. Some of these limitations were absolutely definable and set as a new norm. But some of those losses were more defended generalized assumptions or ableist perceptions—both personally and socially.
For the first few years of being in a wheelchair, I relied on the assistance of a lift or caregiver to transfer in and out of my wheelchair. I had conceited this limitation as the way it was always going to be. It wasn’t until a small few group of therapists and friends saw something more in me and encouraged me to attempt transferring on my own that I began striving to transfer myself independently. In some sense, I was competing against the assumed comparison to the norm of quadriplegia in my community. Overcoming this limitation brought new freedoms I did not know I had and redefined my understanding of who I was.
If we only submit to an ambition of excellence alone, we might fail to challenge the false assumptions of our defended social and personal ableism’s. However, if we only pursue an ambition of superiority and being better then everyone else, we set ourselves up for personal failure and cause great harm to ourselves, to our relationships, and the community around us.
Each of us possesses gifts, talents, and abilities that are uniquely our own. Developing these qualities toward the fullest expression of our personal capabilities, even challenging some of our limitations, can nurture our wellbeing and enrich our participation in community. We should strive for excellence—not by becoming superior to others, but by becoming the best expression of ourselves.
Our personal best is not a measure by which others should be diminished, nor should it be constrained by the expectations others place upon us. True excellence makes room for others to flourish along with us. It invites us to discover, develop, and share the life we have been given without requiring anyone else to be less so that we might be more.
A Last…ing Word
Many times I ask myself what significance I have in the world. I struggle with what good I might have brought into it and if I made a difference. It doesn’t always seem to show. And if I am honest, I tend to wrestle with a sense of personal failure often.
I have two theology degrees that hang on my wall and speak of an education that most of the time I am unsure what their purpose is for. My community is very small and I can’t honestly say that I have any kind of leadership presence within a specifically recognized group or congregation.6 And despite trying to workout 3-4 times a week in my basement gym, I still maintain a gut I am not so proud of. I am married to an amazing and beautiful woman. But we do not have any children and my generation will end with my passing.
What is the legacy that I will leave behind?
I honestly am not sure how to answer this question. But, as I talked with my friends last Friday, I confessed to a desired hope for that legacy.
Whatever happens in my life—healing, meaningful events, pursued ambitions, acts of communal and personal betterment, the wake I leave behind me—I only hope it might bring a reflection to the glory of God and His presence here amongst us in creation.
Legacy is not something I can create or manifest on my own. And it is certainly not something I can see in the here and now present moment. It is something I trust my creator writes in the realms beyond my understanding and the mysteries of my being. I find joy in life in recognizing my worth is in every moment I am present and aware that I have the opportunity to be a blessing.
If nothing else, I hope I at least make God smile.
“Your life is worth living. It is valuable. In fact, it’s beyond valuable. It’s invaluable. And precisely because it is so truly worth living, your life is worth living well. Your life is too valuable to be guided by anything less than what matters most.
That’s not to say that you’re the center of the world. It’s not to say that you should focus exclusively on yourself. (Your life matters in part because it’s not just about you—it matters to and for others!) It’s simply to say that how you live, what you devote your life to, how you’re treated and how you treat others, what you set your hopes on and how you feel—all this is significant. And this significance can’t be stolen or erased. No matter how much the world tries to convince you of your smallness. No matter how often you’ve accepted triviality in place of what matters most.”7
If you haven’t seen it in my socials, Miroslav Volf is coming to Calgary to speak on ‘The Cost of Ambition’! Learn more and join us here: https://www.gracechurchcalgary.com/preaching-grace
Volf, Miroslav. The Cost of Ambition: How Striving to Be Better Than Others Makes Us Worse (Why Ambition Is at Odds with the Christian Faith) (p. 20). (Function). Kindle Edition.
Ironically, it was during my 14 years of martial art training that I discovered as the only wheelchair user in my dojo, that my being in a wheelchair was actually an advantage over other students. While I was unable to do leg motions such as kicks, lower stances, and rolling motions, I did understand the techniques and concepts. However, the other students had a hard time understanding how to maneuver and find weaknesses in my techniques when facing my movements in a metal wheelchair.
Volf, Miroslav. The Cost of Ambition: How Striving to Be Better Than Others Makes Us Worse (Why Ambition Is at Odds with the Christian Faith) (p. 20). (Function). Kindle Edition.
The vision of being pruned in John 15 brings an imagination to this experience. Branches that are cut and pulled back for the purpose of richer and greater growth can be an uncomfortable experience for the plant. But in going through such experiences, the branch can produce much greater quantity & quality of fruit.
I dream of The Well being an online and in-person community. But, it seems to really just exist as a sounding board of my voice alone, right now. There is not a lot of interaction or draw from other present characters.
Volf, Miroslav; Croasmun, Matthew; McAnnally-Linz, Ryan. Life Worth Living: A Guide to What Matters Most (p. 283). (Function). Kindle Edition.