You're Right! I Can't Fight The Ocean Tides!
Submitting To A Season Of Rest
The hard truth is that the most basic aspect of our humanity is not our determination, our talents, or whatever we accomplished during last year’s resolutions. We are united by our fragility. We all need shelter because we are soft and mushy and irritable in the elements—and we will need so much more than a bank loan because, sooner or later, we are left exposed. Time and chance, says the author of Ecclesiastes, happen to us all.
— Bowler, Kate. Have a Beautiful, Terrible Day!: Daily Meditations for the Ups, Downs & In-Betweens (p. xxi). (Function). Kindle Edition.
It has seemed like forever since I have been able to sit in front of my keyboard and type a few words. Not because I haven’t wanted to. But, life just seems to keep getting in the way the last few months.
Borrowing the words from Christa Hesselink on her post ‘You Can’t Control The Ocean’:
Mind racing - unable to slow down.
Heart longing - overwhelmed.
Body tired - but feeling overstimulated at the same time.
Have you ever noticed that we have a way of compounding the challenge by trying to control it? We spend our energy planning and arranging every detail to death, or we work overtime to bury, avoid, or distract. We dig in and overcompensate in attempts to manage all the discomfort and uncertainty.
As if we could control the ocean. It makes sense, but really it’s just plain old resistance.
Perhaps it is my greatest weakness; the internal ableism that causes my self-judgement and defeat of any creative confidence. As time slips away, I start the game of comparison and withdraw into a frustration of inadequacy and feelings of personal failure.
You’re right, Christa! I can’t fight the ocean tides! Truth is, you can’t ride the surf if you are constantly trying to flatten the ocean waves. The only way through it, is to go with it.
So here I am recognizing the call of life to enter a season of rest, a time for Sabbath, and resetting the soul for the next season of creativity.
First, I want to say this past season in The Well has been both explosive and exciting for me. I have had so many incredible growth moments learning from great friends and leaders in conversations around disabilities, dignity, and hope. From fellow writers here on Substack, guests I’ve had on the podcast, getting to plan and be a part of incredible conferences here at home and online, as well as meeting with friends for coffee… their guidance, wisdom, and sharing of faith has been truly immeasurable! “Thank you” are words that are not enough to express my gratitude!
Looking back, I suppose there is no denying just how much we have done together and how far we have truly come.
But, as I break for the summer, I don’t want you thinking I’m disappearing all together. Here are some of the activities I am hoping to work on through my rest in the coming months…
Continuing a social media conversation… I will still keep posting on my social feeds in FaceBook, Instagram, and Notes in Substack. Maybe I’ll even drop a few unpolished live videos, too. But I love dropping quotes into our imaginations from the things I’m reading, or sharing snippets of thought that I ponder in during the day.
Keeping a rhythm of consistency in my sacred space… So if you’ve followed my socials, you will know I enjoy working out in my basement gym while listening to my record collection. Exercise is good for the soul and I love keeping a good routine down. Being more in the outdoors wheeling during the warmer months is also in my hopes.
Spending time with family & friends… Relationships are important for rejuvenation to our well being. While I am extremely grateful for the relationships I keep online and the way technology provides these spaces during colder months and when getting out is difficult b/c of wheelchair life, I find myself longing for more physically enfleshed spaces. I hope these months might find greater time with real present people who bring great joy to my heart and life. Trips to parks, theaters, coffee shops, restaurants, live music, shared food and social events… bring them on!
Reading good books… Ok… Nothing new, I know. But, as you probably have noticed, I am a slow contemplative reader. Books take time for me to scan and digest. So I hope to get through a few summer reads in the next two months including — A Disabled Apostle, The Tears of Things, Embrace Life/Embrace Hope (finishing), The Gift of Limitations, and maybe a few others. I’m probably over shooting it already. It’s just so difficult with so many great reads calling my name!
Planning for the fall… While my mind and body may be creatively exhausted after this past season, I am already excited for and have so many imaginative thoughts for the upcoming fall season At The Bottom Of The Well! I know these will take some careful and prudent planning, though. There are some really great conversation partners I already have in mind, themes to explore, and moments to consider.
More to add to this, as I shared above, I deeply desire for a greater balance between online and physically enfleshed spaces of disabled community coming together to share, learn, advocate, and find supporting encouragement. I have already began drafting a vision for a fall gathering here in SE Calgary. But it needs community support, funding, a gathering space, advertising, and continued planning. PM me or let me know what you think in the comments!
Creative writing offline… While my blogging & podcasting slows down, I am considering leaving a little space for writing offline… perhaps just for personal growth. We’ll see where it goes from there. On a side note, I have some exciting news to share. It seems I was approved for an article to be published in an upcoming issue of the ‘Canadian Journal of Theology, Mental Health, and Disability’!! My friend Ty Ragan suggested I submit an article and to my surprise… they approved it for the fall issue!! So keep your eyes peeled and I’ll share a link in the socials when it is out.
AND, Rest… Right! As you can see while I forecast the next two months, I have troubles just being and letting the tides wash me ashore. The demand for productivity becomes my own inner demon and greatest battle. PRAY FOR ME… that I might let myself just rest. That personal demand for activity doesn’t override my need for self care and the demand for down time as a person with disabilities. It’s ok to watch some tv with Bonnie. I’m allowed to play a few holes of golf on my phone. But then… pray I can also find the rejuvenation to return to the creative callings I love so much, too. There I go again… expectations of productivity. 😂
Well I guess that is about it. As we enter Canada Day Weekend and the month of July, I am ready for a few months of down time and Sabbath. Yes, Sabbath… time with God is always important for me during any season, too. And hey, before signing off… check out the second section to this post below where I leave you a brief invitation to checkout a project I took part in over the last month with ‘A Deeper Communion’. I hope it is a blessing to you and your connective communities as much as it has been for me!
Thank you for being my fellow Well Dwellers! I will see you in a few months!!
Sincerely,
Erik Freiburger
LET THIS DARKNESS BE A BELL TOWER
by Rainer Maria Rilke
Quiet friend who has come so far,
feel how your breathing makes more space around you.
Let this darkness be a bell tower
and you the bell. As you ring,
what batters you becomes your strength.
Move back and forth into the change.
What is it like, such intensity of pain?
If the drink is bitter, turn yourself to wine.
In this uncontainable night,
be the mystery at the crossroads of your senses,
the meaning discovered there.
And if the world has ceased to hear you,
say to the silent earth: I flow.
To the rushing water, speak: I am.
A month ago, I had the opportunity to join ‘A Deeper Communion’ in their ‘Creative Hospitality’ conference online. It was an incredible day filled with inspiring presenters, great conversation, and dreams for the inclusion of the disabled in communities of faith. Over the last several weeks the team has been working hard to put these presentations together in a series of YouTube videos to share the message of inclusion and the possibilities for creative hospitality within communities of faith across Canada.
Below is a welcoming video with Dr. Keith Dow sharing an invitation to those presentations while you can find the series on A Deeper Communions YouTube Channel HERE and on their website HERE.
Over the next few weeks I plan to share each of these videos separately in my socials with a few brief reflections in the notes. Join me there if you would like to ask questions, reflect in conversation, or just follow along!
Let me know about the gift of limitations read, sounds intriguing.